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9: The decision to leave

 

 

You may want to skip this section if you don't need or want to think about leaving. You can go directly to 11:What to do after going through the LLQ.

 

You now have some ideas about making the decision as to whether to leave life. Someday, you may have to do this for yourself or for someone else. Part of planning for such a situation can be to see what making such a decision might entail.

 

Your experiences with D&D as you were growing up, and the personality characteristics that affect your approach to D&D will provide the context for your decision-making, as indicated in the sections covering those topics. For example:

 

· ...how you react to confronting the fact that at some time you will leave life will be affected by being a repressor vs. being a problem vigilante, your readiness to react with anxiety or moodiness/depression, your levels of impulsivity and risk taking, and your reactions to D&D around you as a child

 

· ... what you predict the effect of your leaving will have on others will be affected by your observations of survivors’ reactions in the past.    

 

The questions below ask about things in the present that you might think about as if you had to make a decision for yourself or for someone you cared about.

 

9.1 Here are some things that a person who is thinking about leaving might consider. You can fill in your own responses if you wish:

 

· Whether your QOL is acceptable and how long you think it will remain that way:

 

· How well you think you will  adapt (or how well you are adapting) to Very Old Age:

 

· The value of the contributions to family and society that would be lost if you left:

 

· The positive and negative emotional reactions of those around you to your absence and to the circumstances of your leaving, and how long these emotions would last:

  

 

· The possibility of leaving without fear or pain:

  

 

· The accessibility of a method  that is painless and effective (which means having someone experienced to help you), and that leaves you looking as though you were asleep :

  

 

· The possibility of payoffs there are in addition to relief from suffering, such as: money,  a sense of accomplishment, a feeling of that you are about to do the right thing:

  

 

· Your image of the afterlife:

  

 

· The social consequences of  leaving voluntarily, including: the challenge posed to those who believe your action is wrong, the fact that you are setting an example that might influence others to take this way out, the furthering of a cause if your leaving is a political act:

  

 

Whether you have explored alternatives to leaving to the limits of your ability and strength, such as: consulting a pain specialist, or talking with a psychiatrist, psychologist or other professional or friend who can challenge the reasons for your decision, and help you to  delay  action in order to give adaptation to your circumstances a chance:

 

Anything else:

 

 

Even imagining making this decision is not easy. Immersion in such an instinctually anxiety-laden area is extremely unpleasant. It is tempting to stop because the anxiety would most likely cease if you did.

 

The decision process is also difficult. Not only must you come up with correct predictions based on good information, but you must weight your responses and combine them to come up with the best course of action.

 

In the case of one of the above items, there is no information available at all, and, as discussed previously, it is the most important question! This is the one asking you about your image of the afterlife.

 

The reasons that what happens after you leave life is so central to everything you do have been discussed previously in 1: General ideas...:Making decisions without enough information. I do not mean to minimize the problems of making a decision when the consequences of one alternative cannot be discovered by the usual processes of observation and analysis. But the fact is, we can all be forced into the unknown by an intolerable situation. Also, if history is any guide, someday we may learn something about the afterlife.

 

So, why not avoid the decision altogether? 

 

Waiting around until you must do something can be like being chased to the edge of a cliff by a hungry lion, or being forced to a window on the upper floor of a building that is on fire. You are weak and under pressure to act, you have little or no information about what will happen if you jump, and you may not make the best choice.

 

Of course, in the case of leaving life, you have no information about what will happen if you “jump” into the afterlife. This didn’t stop explorers like Captain Cook who sailed off not knowing whether or not they would fall off the edge of the earth. But, they would have had time to put their relationships and affairs in order, and to plan as best they could.

 

If you do not plan ahead, you risk creating unnecessary suffering in yourself and others. You risk finding yourself pressured by your present pain on the one hand and the unknown risk of the afterlife on the other.

 

At that time, you may be:

 

... in a hurry, in a weakened state and unable to focus on anything except yourself and your pain or mortality. You will not be able to summon the energy gather and process the necessary information, and assert yourself so that others carry out your wishes.

 

You will, therefore, be dependent on others to decide things for you. 

 

 

9.2 Can you imagine that your QOL or level of suffering would ever be such that you would consider leaving life voluntarily:

 

If the answer is “Yes”, you will want to do all you can to make sure you that the experience of your leaving and its effects on your survivors are as you want them to be. Some suggestions for planning this follow in the next section: 10: Things to do before voluntarily or involuntarily leaving life.

 

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