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10.1 Think about saying "Thank you", "I'm sorry", "I forgive you", and "Good-bye" to the significant people in your life. Who are the people who would feel better about your leaving if you would say those things to them:
10.2 Are there loose ends or “unfinished business” with friends or family? Are there conflicts to be resolved or debts to be repaid? Are there feelings that should be expressed so that you and others could feel that things are settled or resolved:
10.3 How would you feel about spending a few hours reviewing your life with family member or friend or with a professional:
10.4 Here are some questions about what you would want your own exit from life to be like. You can try answering them first as if there were no practical, financial, or other constraints. Then, you can modify your responses to take practical considerations and other people’s needs into account:
Who would be present:
Other things you would want to happen:
10.5 Before you leave, which of the following do you think you should do:
Make a will which specifies what you will leave to your survivors, perhaps with conditions attached,
Make a living will in which you specify the conditions under which you want a medical condition to be treated, and when you want “Comfort Care Only”, or to be allowed to leave if you have already done the work of dying (“Do Not Resuscitate”).
Appoint people to make decisions about your medical care in case you are unable to.
Discuss your regular will with family or other beneficiaries.
Discuss your living will with doctors and family. (Please note: Any reluctance on the part of doctors or family to carry out your wishes should be discussed ahead-of-time; otherwise, you risk being kept alive by a last-minute veto.)
Give copies of your living will and power of attorneys for health care to your doctor, to the hospital where you are likely to be treated and to the relatives or others who might be involved in making decisions for you.
Plan your funeral and burial to reflect both your wishes and the needs of others.
Find out about the current laws and actual practices of euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide as they apply to yourself and those you care about.
Make plans for the possibility of wanting to leave voluntarily and gather the necessary resources, including the names of people or organizations that might help.
If you are going to leave life voluntarily, discuss your decision with survivors in a way that will help them to understand and accept your decision.
Write down your “Thank-you’s” and other feelings to be given to people you care about in case you are unable to speak to them directly.
Write down apologies, feelings of forgiveness or other things that will resolve conflicts, correct misunderstandings or otherwise clear up other unfinished business.
Get some advice or help in carrying out any of the preceding actions.
10.6 What do you know about the services offered by your local hospice? What are your reactions to what you have learned:
10.7 What keeps you from doing the things listed above:
I don’t want to face the fact that someday I will have to leave.
I am terminally ill and am too weak to do any of those things.
I don’t have enough energy.
I am too busy.
I don’t have the necessary information.
I need someone else to help me figure out how to proceed or to get me motivated.
I am afraid of upsetting people or getting into an argument when I discuss my wishes with them.
Talking with doctors or relatives about these things is embarrassing.
It’s on my list of things to do. I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.
10.8 Do you know how to do the things listed above? How could you find out? What is the first small step you could take to get started:
One easy first step is to check the internet for more information about the topics you have explored.